What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger, Right?

Depressing day at the foster care agency. Today we had our big pre-MAPP meeting with the Adoption Program Specialist. I took a brand new notebook so that I could take notes and remember what we talked about, I was so excited and nervous. Needless to say, I didn’t take many notes. Despite being kind of odd and not welcoming at all (considering it was our first visit to their office), she really reminded me of Jane Lynch. Very, very dry and many times I couldn’t tell if she was making a joke or being dead serious. Being the Adoption Program Specialist, I figured she had a wealth of information to bestow upon us. But within the first five minutes, the meeting hit a brick wall for me. We are looking to foster to adopt a child or sibling group around 8 or under. This will keep the ages close to my daughter’s. We realize we will need to foster first, but plan to do so only with a pre-adoptive status. We would also like to provide respite care for other foster families while we are waiting to be matched/placed. Jane Lynch, as I will refer to her, said that to adopt from their agency (which is the go-to foster/adopt agency in my county, as they process most if not all of the adoptions according to the info session I attended in May), families must first foster. Straight foster, no pre-adoptive status. This is non-negotiable. She also said that to adopt many times the child is in “double digits” before that is possible. Has anyone else heard this in their journey to foster/adopt? That there is no pre-adoptive status, they must foster first before being eligible to adopt? I am going to call some of my contacts at the other agencies we considered to see what their policy is, but it was very disheartening!

She also gave us the MAPP schedule for the rest of the year. There is one more session this year that begins in the middle of October and consists of a combination of Tuesday nights and Saturday days. Which is impossible with my husband’s work schedule. And for me, it’s right when my sister’s baby is due, so my child care (my mom) will be otherwise occupied. 

So, we’re stuck. I have to think about it tonight and see what I come up with as our next plan!

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One thought on “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger, Right?

  1. In California you can go through the county and request “adoption only”. It is never a sure thing and you have to wait longer but it is an option. After taking the classes we decided we were open to foster with the ultimate goal of adoption. Less moving around is better for children who are already having their lives turned upside down. At times it feels like the entire system is set up to test your flexibility and patience. There are no choices for classes, you have to take what you are given and both parents have to attend every class. Check out your options. Is your adoption program specialist also teaching the classes? It is important to get along with your adoption team. Find people who have already gone through the agency you are looking at and see how it went for them.

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