She Didn’t Ask Either

If you recall from our last meeting with the director of a foster care agency here in Pennsylvania, we were left without a fuzzy, friendly feeling. One of the main things I just didn’t feel right about was that the director never asked us why. Why are we interested in fostering. Why do we want to adopt. I contacted a few other agencies in our area trying to find a better fit. So today, the director of another agency came by our house. Yes, she also made the drive out to visit with us! I just can’t emphasize how much of a departure it is from our treatment in North Carolina, trying to foster and adopt there. We were basically given the cold shoulder. Here, we’ve already had 2 directors of agencies come out to meet with us! I am amazed. But she didn’t ask either. I am not sure what I think about that?

The director we met with today has a much larger agency office in our area, serving more than twice as many children currently than the first agency we met with. They also offer all of their training to be done from your home, or if you attend one of their office trainings they provide childcare! This was a huge leap over the other agency. Also, this director was the first to talk to us about match adoption events in the area. Since we are mainly interested in adopting an elementary-aged child or sibling group, the director explained to us the process of match adoption. I think it is done annually, all of the SWAN-affiliated agencies meet up with flyers of their available children. Potential match parents can walk around this expo and leave their own flyers if they are interested, as well as take the information of available children home with them to give to their adoption specialists at their agency. She said it is obviously very sad, but they take placement very seriously and these events have high success rates.

We did a walk through of the house and she got to meet Little One and our helper, Miss Leslie. She said that we can start with training while we proceed with our application. Since we’re from out of state it will take a while to get things like clearances from our doctors or our marriage license. She said she will come every week to meet with us and do training, until we are complete with training and complete with the application. She said some couples can do it within two months and some take closer to 6 months. It just depends on the schedules and the efficiency of getting back the documents necessary.

I definitely got a better vibe from her and the support her agency provides. I also like that they are a larger agency and have many offices in the region. I am not sure if husband is ready to pick this agency or if we need to see one more. I think it would be great if we could get the training and application done while I recover from my surgery and then be licensed once I am deemed stable!


Edited to add: She emailed me this evening to say how nice it was to meet with us and that she’d like to come back with one of her permanency specialists to talk to us some more and answer more questions. So maybe we just had a meet and greet and she was waiting to feel us out?


6 thoughts on “She Didn’t Ask Either

  1. DA says:

    I have fostered in three different states (respite) and I can’t say that I’ve ever had an agency ask me that at the first meet; in fact (at two) I was not asked at all. So, it’s definitely not a weird thing from my perspective that they would not ask.

    • Thank you for sharing your experience! I am glad (I guess?) to hear that motive isn’t in their thoughts at the beginning. I think I am past that now, looking forward to meeting her again with her permanency specialist. I am making a list of new questions to ask before we finally decide! I won’t look for them to ask that question about motive, maybe it will pop up at some time! I guess I just figured that’s how it went since that’s how our first agency was.

      • DA says:

        They may ask later; it was something that was discussed extensively in the PRIDE, or other relevant training, classes.

  2. I would suggest to you that they already know why you want to adopt, there are only a few different reasons, they are pretty adept at fitting you into a certain category. I would suggest bringing it up to them, see where they put you, ask THEM why they think you are looking to adopt, see what they say, might tell you a bit about them and their motivations.

    • What great insight! I’m sure by now they can read into people. I will add it to my list to ask next time we meet! I guess I felt like it should be a two-sided interview, not just us asking questions of them. But I do understand that they will get to know us along the entire process, with training and homestudy.

      • Remember, they get training at being in control and manipulatong situations, somerimes its the only way to ensure the safety of the kids, to be wholely in control of your home, in the end they can be held respinsible for your mistakes….

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