The Big Secret

Five years ago on Easter Sunday my sister and I found out that our grandfather is not our mother’s biological father. Talk about a bombshell. My parents weren’t even going to tell us until our grandfather had passed but you know how well families can keep secrets! We had lots of questions then, and still have questions now. Mainly whether we have other family relations that we don’t know about and added medical history. My mother says that she doesn’t want to know who her biological father is, and her parents have never spoken about it with her. She’s just heard scattered information through the grapevine, and she knows how old she was when her parents were married. She turned 60 this year, so that means she’s kept this inside of her for 60 years. I don’t know if she really does want to know who it was, as her siblings have a guess but don’t know all of the information. I would like to know. I imagine, because she and I are so much alike, that she really would like to know as well. We’ve had so many weird medical issues that could be explained through family history if only we knew in advance. I’d also like to know if we have more family. I don’t know the circumstances around her conception, and I’m not sure if that’s what worries her the most. But I do know that my grandmother chose to give her life and has given her a wonderful life, full of love and support. My grandfather has only ever treated her as his own. She told my sister and I that she would not want to disrespect her parents by asking questions. But I do think at some point we need to discuss it, as my grandfather is 90 and my grandmother turns 85 this year. I would hate to not know the truth and then they pass. 

I may not know what it feels like for an adopted child searching for their family, searching for simple answers their peers may already know, but I guess I have a better understanding of the process and the emotions that it brings. I can only hope that I can use it for good in the future for our adopted children.

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3 thoughts on “The Big Secret

  1. They may associate the events with shame which may have existed 60 years ago, but does not exist in today’s society. They might even be grateful to unburden themselves and share, so I would say give them the opportunity, and love them whatever happens, good luck. I found out about a pregnancy and a baby given up for adoption that had been concealed.

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