Stupid Things People Say

Last weekend we held an “almost” 90th birthday party for my grandfather. Most of my family and extended relatives on my mom’s side were in attendance. I didn’t prepare the kids for ignorant comments because my own mother is adopted and my cousin is adopted from foster care so I thought we were safe. We had just returned from our vacation in Canada with my husband’s family and everyone was very well behaved and respectful of the kids’ privacy. Most who shared stories were of people they knew who had kids taken or grandkids taken or fostered themselves, done in private away from the kids. Well I was thinking too highly of my family. My Aunt, who is a pretty nice and genuine person, asked if “their parents just didn’t want them any more.” And “why their parents just didn’t want them any more.” Um, that’s not quite how it works. Then, my Uncle, who adopted his son from foster care at the age of 2, pulled my oldest daughter to the side and told her “what a cutie” she is and that she “looks smart.” Granted, I stayed with her and made sure she wasn’t alone but it was pretty pervy to me, especially considering he knows the past abuse of many kids including foster kids. I don’t know how it is acceptable to pull over a nine year old girl with a traumatic past (even if you don’t know what all occurred) and basically make her uncomfortable by telling her how cute she is. Not in a complimentary, polite and decent way, but a generally skeevy and gross way. Ugh. Not cool. There were more but those were the ones I could remember. I actually took the kids home early because I was tired of the comments. I had high hopes!



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