Fight to the Death

Yesterday was such a juxtaposition of feelings and noise. Maybe that was what defeated me at the end of the day, that it was so jarring from start to finish.

In the morning our family based health services therapist (June) came and spoke with me and Hubby about our past, present and hopeful future. Sans children. She wanted to know what we need her help on. I am so so glad we chose this avenue because I love her and she’s past the hippy-ness and she knows her crap when it comes to trauma and kids. And just kids in general. She also thinks I’m a genius and brags about me to her boss which is always nice to receive compliments from people that you respect and who are super smart even though you aren’t really doing anything besides surviving.

In the afternoon I dealt with behavior from Huck and Scarlett that I haven’t seen in a long time. Since they started private school on Monday I’ve had to deal with the expected behaviors that go hand in hand with a change in routine. But I’ve also had to deal with kids who are in new sleeping patterns so they are exhausted and cranky at the end of the day. We’ve also started packing lunches because now that they aren’t in foster care they don’t get free school lunches. So I’ve been dealing with Scarlett who will not eat her  lunch, instead she convinces her peers to give her their extra lunch money and then she buys things like york peppermint patties or oreos. She comes home starving and her sugar high has crashed. You all know how I feel about sugar anyways but this is just the worst. Kids overreacting, crying, screaming, yelling at me or Madeline. It’s just not ok. After dinner last night when I tried to get Madeline dressed in her pjs I just broke down. I needed one kid on my side and I wasn’t getting it! Everything was difficult the entire afternoon with the kids. When the other kids are melting down then Madeline takes it as her opportunity to mimic their behavior and melt down also. I finally just went and laid down in the playroom and cried. It’s so tough having kids! They are so ego-centric and at the end of the day it can be so exhausting when you are only being nice and helpful and you get anger, resentment and shouting back at you!

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