My Heart is Breaking

Tuesday morning my Uncle was scheduled for a heart procedure to replace a weak valve. We were all concerned about complications due to a lack of general good health throughout his life, but it was pretty much an emergency. We texted the few days prior but my schedule did not lend itself to phone calls and he was busy getting ready for his surgery. Tuesday morning before going to the operating room he suffered a brain aneurysm that bled into his brain. He was found unresponsive by a nurse. He is now on a ventilator, he has had a piece of his skull and brain removed to drain fluid putting pressure on his brain, and he has been unresponsive since Tuesday morning. Because of the swelling on his brain the doctors have been unable to see the extent of the damage from the aneurysm. Unfortunately it is not looking great.

My Uncle and I have been very close my entire life but it culminated in my college years. After being diagnosed as bipolar over ten years ago, he was the one that always understood me. Twice my age but always seemed to know where I was coming from. He helped me land my job at a local GAP, which led to my job at Nordstrom, which led me to my job at Louis Vuitton, etc etc. I would not be where I am today professionally without his help and guidance. I also would not be the person that I am today without his support. He is an amazingly charismatic person, always sociable, everyone loves him, a funny guy and joker. The kind of guy that is just friends with everyone because he’s so likable.

I am just so sad. I am sad that I did not speak with him before his surgery. I am sad that I did not save any of his hilarious voicemails that he constantly leaves for me. I am sad that it has been too long since I’ve seen him in person, because we have moved so far from his home in Florida. Most of all, I am sad that he is gone. Even if he wakes up from this traumatic brain injury he will not be the same person. And waking up is even a long shot. I am sad that I won’t get to hug him or listen to his laugh. I am sad that he won’t get to meet my new children and giggle all the way through church with them on Christmas Eve as we have done so many times together. I am sad that he never found his true love, in his 50+ years, he died alone in a hospital bathroom. (I’m saying that he died there because they believe that he is brain dead. So while his heart is still pumping and his lungs are still filling with air thanks to a ventilator, his spirit has been gone since Tuesday morning). I am hoping to go down later this week to Florida but it just depends on how things progress at the hospital and with plans for a memorial.

 

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