I will now call respite girl “Lucy,” after the main character of The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. She has the tenacity, imagination and leadership of little Lucy.
It’s about time that I come up with a pretend name for respite girl. We got the call today from our agency that her current foster family gave 30 days’ notice that they no longer want her in their home. While we all knew that they wouldn’t adopt her, we though they would at least keep her until a new family was found. The agency said this should happen before the school year. I talked to our caseworker today and she said if we will accept placement that they will move her asap. I made sure that they know we are not going to adopt, but that we could be available until the agency does find her the right home. I have to talk to hubby tonight but it looks like we will bring her home after the holiday weekend. We will be out of town this weekend for a wedding. The kids will be so excited!
I am sad that my uncle passed before the triumphant ruling of the Supreme Court yesterday. But it was still wonderful news, and I enjoyed seeing all of these big corporations back the ruling.
And all of these landmarks that look so beautiful lit up!
Today our agency held an open house to celebrate their brand new administrative office building. So we got to see the Office Manager that completed our first home study, the case manager that called with our first placement, our caseworker for the kids, our adoption home study case manager and the social worker who did their adoption prep. So we had a lot of people to see! The building was gorgeous. We got to meet all of the executives for the nonprofit and the board. We ended up being one of the only resource families that attended (at least while we were there) so it was nice because we felt very important! The kids got to have yummy snacks, sit in the President and CEO’s office and look around. I got to bend the ear of our caseworker quite a bit so that was helpful!
Our caseworker asked if we were interested in being a pre-adoptive family for respite girl. I knew that day was coming. I told her that we could do a longer placement while she found the right family but we have enough kids, no more adoptions. I told her that we will always be a resource for respite girl. She asked for my opinion on whether respite girl should be in a family with other children or an only child. I gave her my experiences with the girl so that she could make the best decision for her. It sounds like they are trying to move her before the school year begins. I am so hopeful that she will find the right place!
Respite girl was a no-show at the library today. I don’t know whether to text her foster mom and tell her that we missed her today at the library. I never heard back after my last text so I feel like I’m pushing my luck. But what do I have to lose?
I figured I would give everyone an update on Huck’s progress (or non-progress) with the bathrooming issues. We’ve been working about a year now with Huck (who is now 8) to use a toilet to pee and poop. When he came to live with us last year it took us a while to realize what was going on. We got him medical help about 6 months ago, so he now takes a mild laxative each day to prevent the severe constipation that he had (probably for years). We figured once the constipation was resolved that we would have better results. This has not happened. He will still have trouble making it to the bathroom on time or not do a good job cleaning up himself so he constantly has marks in his underwear/diaper. He will still have days where he full on pees his pants.
I also thought that once he was out of school and had a freer schedule everything would be better. When he is at home we remind him constantly to use the bathroom. But he continues to have issues. It has become more of a pee issue, but he will still occasionally have poop problems too.
We have tried everything. We have given him incentives. We have started low to work our way up to larger prizes. In the last year that he’s lived with us, he’s made it a grand total of 7 days in a row without issues, and that was a few months ago.
They are working with him at the trauma recovery program, but it really comes down to him listening to his body and leaving whatever he is doing to make it to the bathroom in time.
We are beyond frustrated. We have tried punishments, consequences, cleaning the soiled underwear, paying for diapers. We have tried reward charts, daily incentives, long term incentives, etc. Nothing has worked. I am hopeful that it will resolve itself before the school year next year but I’m not certain.
Our respite girl left yesterday around 1:00. We were supposed to have her with us until about 5:00 but I asked her foster family to come get her earlier. It was her first Father’s Day away from her biological family and what kind of a message does it send to her if she’s with us all day? I could tell the special breakfast, gifts, FaceTime with two grandfathers, etc. were getting to her. She was unusually quiet.
The kids did not want her to leave. I know that she didn’t want to leave either, although she said nothing. I’m not sure if she was too embarrassed to say something, or if she verbalized it then she would get more upset.
On Saturday I took her to the mall with Anne and Madeline, since it was $1 Old Navy flip flop day. We found new flip flops for all of the kids. We also stopped at the bookstore and got a workbook for her to take back with her. I sent her home with some crafts, a journal, a workbook, and information on the summer reading program at our library. It’s an hour on Wednesdays and they even serve free lunch afterwards. Our respite read about a book each evening while she was here, so I know that she would love a reading program.
I haven’t heard from her foster family. Her foster dad picked her up yesterday and didn’t say two words to me. I texted her foster mother so she knew why I sent everything home. I didn’t hear back. My husband kept saying that it’s such a shame what this girl has to go through. I am hopeful that they will find a new family that is willing to take her feelings and needs into account. Until then, we will just be on standby to respite her some more!